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My Second Interview with Jose Caliente

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At my first interview with Jose Caliente he told me that we must always meet at the Restaurante Mexicana and not in front of the White House. He also said, “You pay!”

He was not in front of the restaurant as I expected. I played a hunch and found him at the bar drinking cerveza.

I said, “Hola, Jose! Que tal?”

“I got promoted!”

I said, “Congratulations! To what?”

“I’m a janitor! Nights! I sweep down the hallways and clean the Oval Office.”

Man, I’d hit a bonanza! Jose in the OVAL OFFICE! I said, “Jose, have a couple or three more beers and we’ll go in and eat some burritos and such.”

He said, “I can’t go to work drunk. Maybe dos or tres cervezas.”

I said, “How many beers have you had?” He said that he had slurped down only five (cinco). I knew it was okay to talk.

I said, “I’m surprised that they let you in the Oval Office.”

“They think that I don’t know one word of English. They say “Hello” and I say, “Que?”

See any notes on the President’s desk?

“Sure. His personal schedule. They hide everything else.”

“Fascinating!” I said. “At what time is he doing his pushups tomorrow, and how many?”

Jose said, “You know they are in frenzy at the White House.”

I said, “About what? Bush War II and faulty intelligence?”

“No, no! It’s that everybody hates the job the President is doing. Even his staff!”

“Baloney!” That is what I said.

“I’m not kidding. The staff thinks that the President is making them look bad.”

I said, “The opposite! The staff is making the President look like an idiot, not the other way around.”

Jose said, “I heard how Bush War II got started.”

I said, “Jose, I know how Bush War II got started. It was planned just after Bush War I when Iraqis tried to kill the President’s parents in Kuwait.

When Osama bombed the Towers, Junior Bush wanted a major military presence near oil.

If he had to fight the Arabs, he wanted to be able to supply an army that was already positioned in their lands. Simple!”

Jose said, “Nope!”

I said, “Then King George I told King George II to invade Kuwait.”

“Not, close!” He swallowed a chunk of burrito and washed it down with beer.

I said, “The Cabal! They wanted that oil!”

“The Cabal wants all the oil. But that is not it!” He sipped on his beer and said, “I know where Osama Bin Laden is hiding.”

I said, “Everyone who has read my articles knows that Osama is in Mecca. His family didn’t build all those structures there for nothing.”

“Nope! He was seen on the beach at Waikiki. He was in disguise but he didn’t fool anybody because he didn’t disguise his wives or kids.”

I said, “I know that the families of German industrialist vacationed in Las Vegas during World War II. They traveled on Swiss passports. But this is ridiculous.”

Jose said, “We made a part for their Meschersmitt too; shipped through Switzerland or Sweden as I remember.”

“Not on purpose!” I said.

Jose said, “I’ve got to get over to the White House. See you next week?”

I said, “Are you going to tell me what started Bush War II or not?”

“Gotcha!” he said.

Copyright©John T. Jones, Ph.D.2005

(Reuters) - President Barack Obama, in an abrupt policy shift aimed at quelling an election-year firestorm, announced on Friday that religious employers would not be required to offer free birth control to workers and the onus would instead be put on insurers.

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